Losing my sanity.

I am having a crisis, one that does not appear to be ending, and while I mope and cry I am also getting on with my life as best as I can. But it is hard isn’t it? When you feel like there is nowhere else to turn.

My Nan died two weeks ago, and while I cried at first and do sporadically, I feel like I am suppressing the truth as it cannot be so…the funeral is next week and yet nothing seems to be sinking in.

Then we have the problem with my rental property. Yet again a rat has died somewhere in the roof in our extension. Of course, perhaps if my landlord had arranged for the ceiling to be plastered after last time the smell would not be so horrendous but then again, maybe not!! So I wake up daily, and return home daily to all kinds of unwelcome guests in the bathroom, that my partner and I seem to “get rid of” only to find some more guests the next hour. We cannot use the shower, we use the bath upstairs daily costing us more time and money on the gas meter. The kitchen and utility room smells like a dead animal…but it’s OK, it’ll get sorted eventually after weeks off cleaning up and covering our noses. Meanwhile I cannot count the amount of times I have been sick, we have both started feeling really ill again. But we have not got enough money to move, after all we need a deposit! The builders are coming tomorrow to take down the ceiling and have another look, but it sounds as though it’ll just keep getting worse. Plus when I return from work I dread to think the state the bathroom will be in again.

If this were my house I would have paid for someone to sort this issue, when it was first reported nearly two years ago, but it isn’t. I feel like I have no one to talk to apart from my partner anymore, as why would anyone want to listen to my depressing problems? Surely it isn’t fair that we have to keep bleaching the floor, disposing of maggots and cleaning rat pee…

I just want to mourn for my nan, catch up my uni work and be happy …but my head is filled with so much I cannot seem to do anything.

Someone please rescue me!

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