Ramble Ramble

I haven’t written on here in a while, yet I love to write, ramble; it’s what I enjoy most. My life feels in a bit of a spiral at the moment, forgive me in advance if this post is too negative or miserable for you… In attempt to get myself back on track I’ve ultimately had to do a list which representatives the positive and negative changes that have taken place in my life recently. I feel I need to get this off my chest, my post is pretty informal, I’m treating this post as a diary entry…sorry nothing exciting.

Positives:

  • I’m doing well on my degree, I am still awaiting the results of my first module but I’m heading in the right direction.
  • We’ve moved house, no more unwanted pests, we get home and relax!
  • We’re happy together, nearly 6 years and still happy, it feels good to have Mike in my life.
  • I’m in generally good health, not everyone I know is; therefore I’m thankful for this.

Negatives:  

  • My job changed (Customer Service is now redundant), the pay is great however I feel that the extra travel will not help with my degree. Not only that…something tells me I’ll be bored, that it isn’t for me. Something in the pit of my stomach is urging me to leave despite the money…Stay = saving more for our own house, leaving = risking failure in another role, less money. Plus I feel constant guilt for even having this job opportunity when my colleagues do not! My head is a mess over this! I know I should be grateful.
  • I’m 27, yet I do not feel like I have achieved a great deal. I want to have my own house and start a family while I’m young…but I’ve been wanting a mortgage for about 5 years now, money seems to be the root cause of a lot of my issues.
  • I don’t know where I’ll be in a couple of years…job, family, house, anything. Surely I should have some idea by now?
  • I’m still insecure in my looks and have the same feelings I had when I was 18, but I cannot change the things I hate about myself.

Perhaps I need to do a plan, but every time I try my brain doesn’t seem to function. Back to the drawing board…I need to sort myself out.

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