I have always wondered if I possess a natural talent for something which I am not aware of. I cannot draw to save my life, I sometimes feel annoyance at those who are naturally gifted in this area but take it for granted. I cannot cook amazingly, however with this I follow the practice makes perfect rule and try wherever I can to improve my culinary skills.
Growing up I always wanted to be a fictional writer, the ability to share with the world breathtaking stories that could be remembered for a lifetime, stories that would captivate ones imagination for even a small moment would give me pleasure and such joy. I’d love to have an impact on generations of readers and receive acknowledgement for my imagination, creativity and writing style, but the older I get the further away this dream I drift. I partially blame myself for not continuing to read and write as much as I once did as a teenager, however I do feel envious when I see people around me, who are younger and naturally have “a way with words,” especially when their talent is clear to others. Don’t get me wrong of course, I do also feel proud of them and encourage them in every way possible, but when I see someone excelling in an area that I really seem to find a struggle these days surely it is only natural to feel a pang of jealously?
The last few weeks I have acknowledged that either A) My brain is literally turning to mush or B) I have some kind of dyslexia which is starting to interfere with my day to day writing. For example:
I was writing my friends address on an envelope last week. I had her address written in front of me and it was merely a case of copying it over. I put a number 4 instead of a letter A. I found myself writing letters before they were due in a word for example, writing the letter O before the letter Y in “Yorkshire.” I later discovered upon her receipt of the goods that I had put her name as Melanie instead of Melissa, I mean…what is that all about?! I was having a bad day you’re probably thinking and yes to be honest I agree you’re probably right, however today at work I started struggling with words once more and ending up rewriting a customers details three times before it made any sense! Perhaps I am over analyzing this and the humidity at the moment is having a strange effect on my thought process, however I do find myself being so overly conscious of everything I write and having to reread my sentences so many times, in fear of writing an of instead of and, or they instead of the.
Perhaps I need to continue discovering who I am and what other areas I may excel in, or stop comparing myself to others, but wow…I wish I could write in a flawless, beautiful way that would just make everyone so proud!